Why do “naturals” agree to have sex with men? We look at 20 reasons

It is commonly believed that sexual behavior is always directly defines identity: If a man has sex with men, that means he is gay or bisexual. However, experts and sexologists point out that the reality is much more complex. A significant percentage of men who identify as heterosexual have had same-sex sexual experiences at least once in their lives.

On the Telegram channel "Stories of Guys (18+)" Anonymous stories about first sexual encounters and intimate experiences are regularly published, and one theme recurs noticeably among them: sexual encounters with men who identify as heterosexual. Some of them have wives, children, and even grandchildren; some view what happened as a one-time incident, while others, on the contrary, continue such encounters, pretending that it means nothing to their identity. The stories vary: spontaneous sex while drunk, conscious decisions, or complete denial the very next day. Doberman Media, in collaboration with the “Guys’ Stories 18+” channel, decided to investigate why this happens and what is really behind this contradiction between behavior and self-identification.

We've compiled a list of 20 reasons why heterosexual men have sex with men—ranging from psychological defenses to cultural factors.

1. They are "in the closet"

This is the most obvious explanation: men may in fact be gay or bisexual, but are afraid to admit it to themselves or others because of social pressure. Fear of rejection in the current political climate or family pressure compels them to cling to the “straight” label, even if they are attracted to men.

2. For fun and for the fans

Many men try it simply because sex with men can be pleasurable. For the younger generation, pleasure is a valid motivator in and of itself, regardless of sexual orientation.

3. The belief that “oral sex doesn’t count”

There is a myth that if penetration did not occur, it does not make a man gay. Some people use this as a way to rationalize their behavior and maintain their heterosexual identity.

4. The Effects of Alcohol

Alcohol lowers inhibitions and suppresses internal restraints. Under the influence of alcohol, men may decide to do things they would avoid while sober.

5. Confirming one's own "heterosexuality"

Paradoxically, some men believe that they are so certain of their heterosexuality that they can afford to experiment with men without jeopardizing their identity.

6. Cultural Definitions (Sexual Positions)

In some cultures (for example, in Latin America), only those who take the passive role (passivo) are considered “gay.” The active partner (activo) is often still perceived by society as masculine and “not gay,” which allows men to engage in such relationships without changing their identity.

7. Sex with a drag queen

Some men engage in sexual relationships with other men when those men are dressed as women. The feminine appearance allows them to convince themselves that they are with a woman, even if their partner has a penis.

8. The Blurring of Emotional and Physical Intimacy

Because deep emotional bonds between men are considered rare in society, some people mistake strong platonic affection for sexual attraction. This can lead to sex between friends that isn’t actually based on physical attraction.

9. Simple Curiosity

Many people are simply curious to find out “what all the fuss is about,” even if they don’t have a long-term attraction to men. They might try it once just to see how it feels.

10. Situational Circumstances

In closed male-only communities—such as the military, prisons, or boarding schools, where access to women is limited—heterosexual men are more likely to engage in same-sex contact. However, it is important to remember that in prisons, this can often be an act of violence or domination.

11. Sex as a Fetish

For some people, the “forbidden” and taboo nature of same-sex sex turns it into a kind of fetish. This may be linked to fantasies about something “deviant” or transgressive, rather than to a consistent attraction to one’s own sex.

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12. Physical attraction without emotional attachment

A man may experience physical arousal from another man’s body, yet have no desire to pursue romantic relationships with men. Such people may consider themselves heterosexual because their “romantic” interest is directed exclusively toward women.

13. Self-affirmation Through Endurance

In certain circles, it is believed that the ability to “endure” anal sex or perform fellatio is a way to prove one’s masculinity and strength of character. However, experts note that this is often driven by a sense of shame.

14. Accessibility

It’s often easier and faster to find sex with a man than with a woman, thanks to special apps or places like bathhouses. For those looking for quick gratification without commitment, it comes down to convenience.

15. It's just nice

Men understand how the male body works and can provide their partner with a high level of physical pleasure. Sometimes, pure hedonism is the only motivator.

16. The Dynamics of Power and Race

Some studies note that, for white men, sex with other men can be a way to assert their identity and power within certain social hierarchies.

17. Sexual fluidity

Sexuality can change over time. A man may go through periods when he is more attracted to people of his own sex, yet he continues to identify as heterosexual. We’ve written about this in more detail here.

Related: Can Sexual Orientation Change Over a Lifetime? A Closer Look at a Large-Scale Study

18. Economic Benefit (Gay for Pay)

When facing financial difficulties, some men agree to have sex with other men for money. However, their personal preferences remain heterosexual, and their actions are motivated solely by the need to earn money. Our author commented on this here.

19. The Need for Attention

Heterosexual men may find attention and compliments from gay men flattering. The feeling of being desired and the erotic attention may prompt them to make contact, even if they don't feel any attraction.

20. Characteristics of Upbringing and Environment

Dr. Alfonso Ferguson notes that behavior is influenced by stigma, cultural factors, and the social environment, which often make it impossible to accurately measure this phenomenon statistically. Sexual behavior does not always correspond to sexual orientation.

Sources: Dr. Alfonso Ferguson and Rick Snyderman, experts in sexual health and relationships.