All right, in the last article, we decided that body shaming ...might not be that toxic. Now let's move on to a new topic—one that's a sore spot for me. I can't keep silent any longer: precocious millennials are the silent tragedy of a generation that grew up on promises that "personality is more important than appearance," and then got slapped in the face by Tinder and Grindr algorithms.
I started noticing this around 27-28. At first, rare glimpses of skin on the top of the head, then a characteristic "horseshoe", which is visible only at a certain angle of light. At first you think: "Oh well, I'll shave my head—it'll look tough, like Statham.". And then you open Grindr and realize: Statham is 57, he has millions in the bank and he starred in Guy Ritchie. And you are a 37-year-old passive with a receding hairline of the Norwood 3 level, who writes "open-minded, chill, 1.8/65».
I am experiencing shaming: assets have stopped responding to me (liabilities write themselves). And it is understandable: I cannot be charged for excess weight, for thinness either. Old? Well, I don't think so. And what to do with bald liabilities is not completely clear. It's as if a millennial's bald head is you coming to a party in socks and sandals, but at the same time you have the perfect (well, relatively) body, face and sense of humor. People just stop replying. No explanation. “Hi” sits there unread, even though just yesterday you were still getting “drool” from those same guys over photos from three years ago when you still had hair.
What solutions can be proposed? Shaving bald - began to look like a cancer patient. System? I look like a guy trying to hide the system. Hats in the photos? Everyone understands that under the cap is the Milky Way.
And in the end, I came to a simple conclusion: in gay dating in the 2020s, a balding millennial is like a black cat in a shelter. Everyone says "how cute", but they take a fluffy kitten home.
So, my dear balding brothers (or rather, sisters) in misfortune, we have two options: either accept our status as a “niche product” and seek out those rare people who genuinely don’t care about hair (they exist—I’ve found them), or save up for a trip to Turkey and keep our mouths shut until a new mane grows back.
Because in 2025, being bald at 37 is not "brutal".
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