"Why does a person quickly get married to someone else after a long-term relationship with one partner?"

“I met my ex back in 2016, when we were both in college. Neither of us had been in a serious relationship before that. We went through a lot together and became almost like family to each other. Of course, we had our share of arguments. We took a ‘break’ from our relationship a few times, but we always got back together.”

After we graduated from college, we started talking about getting married. But somehow, it just didn’t work out. We kept putting it off—because of the pandemic, his family problems, a lack of money, and so on. In the end, I just stopped bringing it up because I was tired of his constant excuses. I tried to convince myself that things were fine the way they were—after all, we were living together as a couple.

In early 2024, he just came home and admitted that he no longer had those feelings for me. The breakup turned out to be very painful—as far as I could tell, for both of us. I didn’t date anyone else for a whole year. But he started dating a new girlfriend in August (mutual friends told me). And then, at the end of November, I found out that he proposed to her on her birthday! Just three months after they became a couple. Seriously?

"We dated and lived together for almost 7 years. And he never actually proposed to me properly. But he proposed to her almost right away. Why do people even do things like that? It's so weird!"

Comment by Psychologist A.

Why don't we mention the psychologist by name? A comment or interview with “Doberman.media” could be viewed by authorities in totalitarian and dictatorial regimes as a violation of some fabricated laws regarding “LGBT propaganda.” Such a “violation” could result in arrest or an actual prison sentence. Psychologist A. is a crisis psychologist and an expert on domestic violence. We have complete confidence in the author and have no doubt about her competence.

I am truly sorry that you had to go through a situation in which another person may not have appreciated your care and trust. Moments like these can leave you not only with pain and disappointment, but also, at times, with a fear of new relationships—a fear of having to go through that kind of pain again.

However, it’s important to view the situation not only as a painful disappointment, but also as an opportunity to understand how to avoid fears that might arise subconsciously, and to learn to identify the steps you can take to ease that pain. Let me draw an analogy with drivers’ behavior to clarify the situation a bit.

Everyone behaves differently, and a driver’s behavior can reveal different attitudes toward life. For example, the first group of drivers follows all the rules and always acts strictly according to instructions. This is their personal sense of responsibility.

There are men who are fully committed to their relationships and honestly enter into relationships with those they consider important to them. These men are ready to take on responsibility, as their personal values align with common standards.

Another group of drivers, however, takes a more relaxed approach to the rules, sometimes breaking them but still staying within acceptable limits, based on their own priorities and values.

Now let’s think about which group your ex-partner belongs to. I think you’ve already guessed—he’s more likely to be in the second group, since he decided to start a relationship with someone else after leaving you. This type of person tends to make such decisions when they feel that without it, they’ll lose something important—whether it’s comfort, influence, or simply their feelings.

Your kindness and tolerance made your support so clear and easy for him that he took your expectations for granted. You may have waited too long to make it clear what was important to you, and you may have compromised too often at the expense of your own dreams of a stable relationship.

When we fail to demonstrate our own worth, it often happens in relationships that our partner begins to take us for granted.

Why is it that, once we set our boundaries, we don’t uphold them properly? Because sometimes we’re afraid of losing the other person, and that insecurity makes us compromise—even if it doesn’t make us happy. But over time, this only intensifies the pain, and the breakup becomes even more painful.

Remember one thing: if something is truly important to you—don’t settle for less, and don’t build a relationship with someone who doesn’t share your views and values. Make it clear through your actions, not just your words, that you won’t be able to continue if your needs aren’t met. Let your partner make their choice—either they accept you with your needs and values, or they’ll keep looking for someone who’s willing to settle for less.

Don't be afraid to strive for something better.