FWB. Sex for friendship. What are the unspoken rules?

Friendship sex ("friends with privileges" or "friends for sex") is a type of relationship in which two parties maintain friendships while occasionally having sex or having intimate relationships. This is often referred to as an abbreviation FWB – friends with benefits* (these are the three letters FWB can be found in profiles on many dating sites).

*FWB – friends with benefits, "friendship with privileges". It denotes a relationship in which people maintain a friendship, but also enter into an intimate relationship, without obligations and serious romantic feelings. In this format, you periodically meet to have sex, and at the same time you can communicate like friends. Or you can not communicate as you want. The point is that this is not a one-night stand, but a relatively long time format. This format is chosen by people who are too lazy to bother looking for a new partner every week, worry about safety, especially careful protection, and so on.

These relationships don't usually involve emotional attachment or expectations of romantic commitment like traditional couples. The idea is that both people remain friends, enjoy physical intimacy, but don't see their relationship as serious or exclusive.

Unlike traditional romantic relationships or marriages, such sex is usually based on physical attraction and the satisfaction of sexual needs, rather than emotional connection or commitment.

What rules should supporters of any relationship outside of classical monogamy necessarily adhere to?

The "rules of free sex" (or friendship sex) usually refer to a set of informal rules or guidelines that people follow in a sexual relationship without commitment. Although these rules may vary depending on individual preferences and agreements between partners.

The first rule

First of all, you should immediately after the meeting, when the conversation turns to mutual expectations, as much as possible clearly and intelligibly state your position. If you don't do it in fear that you will be denied sex for it, and it's better to keep silent for now, you do it Bad in relation to another person, and this will definitely backfire.

Second rule

Secondly, you must constantly monitor your partner's emotional reactions. You begin to notice obvious signs of falling in love or excessive affection – Talk about it. Be attentive to his feelings, politely and carefully remind him of the format of your relationship, and that you are still not ready for anything else. Be sure to explain why you are taking this position so that the person does not hurt himself with thoughts that it is just him "Not good enough for a relationship with you."

Third Rule

Don't lie. Never lie, please. Believe me, as a professional PR specialist and just a smart person with non-trivial life experience: to be honest in relations with people is The most profitable and winning strategy. Honesty is not only a good reputation, it is an opportunity to keep the people you like in your life in a variety of statuses. And a kind human attitude and close ties – Much a more valuable resource than money.

Fourth Rule

If you've been honest, open, and straightforward from the start, you are NOT responsible for the other person's emotions and fantasies about you.

Compliance with these rules will be quite enough not to be tormented by conscience, despite the socially complex concept of relationships.

❗️FWB may be part of an active sex life for some people, but it's not necessarily suitable for everyone. As with any sexual relationship, it's important that everyone involved feels comfortable and respectful of each other.

It is worth remembering that in practice, FWBs can be difficult due to possible emotional conflicts if one of the parties begins to develop romantic feelings, which can lead to misunderstandings and even the breakup of friendships. Therefore, it is important to have a clear dialogue between the participants to make sure that both understand the boundaries and conditions of such a relationship.

What is the right thing to do in a situation where the partner agrees to FWB, and then insists on a classic relationship?

Here we need to remember rule IV: If you were honest, open, and straightforward from the start, you are NOT responsible for the other person's emotions and fantasies about you.

The partner himself hoped for something (For example, what can change your position), he believed in it himself, and then he himself was offended by the cruel reality. And on you to the hilt, so that the offender does not work in idleness.

You don't have to do anything about it, because it's not your area of responsibility. Do not try to help a person who has faced their unrealized fantasies, you will only make things worse. You should not feel sorry for him, and even more so, you should never blame yourself. You are not to blame.

All you need is Distancing and make it clear that they are ready to discuss everything when the partner "cools down", regains the ability to think clearly and make decisions. Immature resentment will definitely pass if the partner is sane. Well, if he is insane, be glad that he is no longer in your life.

And finally, if you understand that the partner in love continues to agree to the FWB format, but suffers from a lack of attention, is tormented by jealousy and breaks himself because of the illusions of future changes, it will be humane Leave on your own. Your partner will not be able to do this, because he is trapped in his own emotions, but you have a cool head on your shoulders, capable of making rational decisions. Yes, it will be difficult to give up your comfort (It's convenient when you have someone loyal and ready for anything at hand), but This is exactly what a good person should do.

At this point, most people break down, preferring to leave their partner in love nearby. In this case, it is very easy to justify yourself to yourself: The person made such a decision himself, you did not force him, this is his personal choice, he knows better what he needs... But no. These are excuses. And you yourself know perfectly well how to do the right thing, you just chose your comfort.