Roma Zhelud (Roman Kerimov) was the first truly big star of Russian YouTube. In the early 2010s, his popularity rivaled that of global superstars, but his rise to fame was followed by a long period of struggling with addiction, financial difficulties, and personal tragedies. In the new episode podcast "Rule 34": A 30-year-old blogger spoke as candidly as possible about how he survived in drug dens, why he considers Berlin’s sex clubs to be “Satan’s lair,” and how he is trying to start a new life in Moscow.
Table of Contents
About the "concrete mixer" of chemsex and five years in the "dump"
As Roma admits, his life changed radically at age 23, when he tried synthetic drugs for the first time. That was the point of no return, followed by five or six years that he himself describes as “thrown in the trash.” One of the most devastating experiences for him was chemsex — sexual practices while under the influence of psychoactive substances.
Zhelud describes this experience as something that “completely shatters your psyche.” He compares this state to a “concrete mixer” that breaks your bones and turns you into a “little pathetic sparrow.” According to him, after such extreme dopamine surges, it takes years to recover through sober sex and complete abstinence from drugs. Roma now notes that he has been sober for two years, though he admits that a “mild craving” occurs once every few months.
Berlin Sex Clubs and "Demons"
A significant portion of the interview is devoted to his experiences attending private sex parties and clubs in the U.S. and Europe. Roma recalls how, at age 18, he went to a sex club in Los Angeles for the first time, an experience that pushed YouTube into the background. Later, he visited Berlin (Berghain, KitKat), Geneva, and the Netherlands.
However, despite the outward trappings of freedom, Zhelud describes these places in gloomy terms: places with cells and dark rooms, which he calls “Satan’s lair.”
The blogger claims that he saw “real demons and devils” in such clubs, and always felt “dirty” after leaving.
He emphasizes that in places like these, fatal overdoses often occur due to a combination of substances and physical exertion.
Roma now says he's no longer interested in that kind of lifestyle, since his "soul yearns for the light."
Harassment Early in One's Career and "Suitcases Full of Money"
Recalling the early days of his popularity at ages 14–15, Zhelud confirmed that he had faced sexual advances from adult men in the entertainment industry. However, he claims that he was a “clever boy” and knew how to filter out such interactions, refusing to engage in intimate relationships for the sake of his career.
At the same time, he makes no secret of the fact that he has accepted expensive gifts. There was one instance when a male fan simply brought him a bundle of $10,000. Later, Rome even received threatening calls from TV networks warning that his career would be over if he didn’t “hang out” with certain influential people.
The Death of His Mother and a Conflict with His Father
The past few years have been marred by family tragedies. Roma's mother died, and the blogger admitted that at the time, he didn't even have enough money for a funeral because of his addiction—his fans and girlfriend helped raise the funds. He is certain that if his mother could see him now that he is sober, she would be happy.
Roma hasn’t spoken to his father for about five years. Although his father is a wealthy man, Zhelud claims he has never asked for his money and has been supporting himself and helping his mother since he was 16. His father didn’t even offer his condolences after his mother’s death, which was a serious blow to Roma. Nevertheless, the blogger continues to send his father holiday greetings, even though he doesn’t receive any replies.
Plans: music by "Papa Slay" and direction
Roma Zhelud is currently focused on a creative transformation. He is releasing an English-language rock-electronic album under the pseudonym Papa Slay. He is also finishing up his second book, *Surviving the Den*—a work of fiction about an oligarch’s son who gets caught up in the world of drugs.
Roma also dreams of studying film directing at the Moscow Film School and is passionate about building an extreme ride in the center of Moscow (in Gorky Park), inspired by his childhood love of amusement parks.
Despite everything he’s been through, Roma tries to stay optimistic. He’s in a relationship with a girl named Sveta, appreciates the “sober vibe,” and believes that every blow from fate helps him grow up. He says his main sources of motivation right now are sports and creativity, which help him cope with the “dopamine dip” of the past.
Watch the video (podcast) with Roma Zhelud
Watch this and other videos at QueerTube.
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