"The generation that doesn't need sex." Romance in the Hornet without penetration

Context. The movement for the appearance of asexuality is relatively young. The largest organization — Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) — was founded in 2001 by David Jay in the United States. It was AVEN that became a platform for the community and popularization of the term. According to research, asexuals make up about 1% of the population. For example, a 2004 British national survey found approximately 1% of people without sexual attraction. Among young people and the LGBTQ+ community, this percentage may be higher (up to 10% in some surveys among LGBTQ youth).

When we say "how can we live without sex?", we often deny the possibility of asexuality as a natural orientation. But it exists, like other variations of human sexuality.

So I'm sitting in the Hornet. Nothing new - I flip through questionnaires, who is looking for whom and why. And I come across an ad: a guy is looking for a guy, immediately a note - no penetration. Age – 22 years.

And it seems that the Hornet was created for this, but it clicked inside me. Because I have been writing the same idea in my channel for a long time: the younger generation consciously refuses sex. Not because they "don't give", not because of injuries (although it happens), but just... They don't want to.

And I decided – let's talk to such a person directly.

Who is he

One guy responded.

22 years old. Moscow.

He hasn't had sex for two years. Not because he can't. There are proposals. People write, call, want.

He just has no sexual attraction to people.

He perceives a person as a person - with all the pluses, minuses, cockroaches. He can communicate, make friends, build intimacy. But there is zero sexual desire.

He had sexual experience. Once, two years ago.

And he honestly said: "I can't say that I didn't like it, but I didn't feel the buzz that everyone is talking about at all."

Like... "Well, ok, it was and was"

Relationships without sex

The most interesting thing is that now he is building a relationship with another guy. And this guy accepts his asexuality.

And here I have a logical, unpleasant, but honest question: "How do you feel about the fact that your partner can walk to the left?"

The answer, honestly, surprised me. For him, this is not cheating.

He is calm about the fact that for another person, sex is a physical need.

Type:

"If he needs it, let him go, satisfy himself, return home. I understand that he will not get it with me."

At the same time - attention - he is very romantic. He loves to hug, he loves tenderness. Intimacy, care, living together – you are welcome.

All "full-cycle relationships" – yes. Except for sex.

And then I got into my head wider. After this conversation, I wondered: why do we react so aggressively to the idea that we can not want sex?

We calmly accept that a person can be gay, bi, pansexual. But when it comes to asexuality, it begins:

"Come on, don't fuck it", "You just haven't tried", "Find a normal man".

And in fact, asexuality is the same orientation. Not a disease. Not an injury. You can't "change your mind". You either feel sexually attracted or you don't. As with orientation in general.

But there is an important difference

And here is the moment where many people get confused.

There are asexuals – people who initially do not experience sexual attraction. And there are antisexuals – this is already a conscious choice.

Refusal to have sex for ideological, philosophical, personal reasons. And it can be anyone - gays, bi, straights.

That is: Asexuality is who you are. Antisexuality is what you choose. Not the same thing. At all.

The story of this 22-year-old guy is an example of how asexuality can fit harmoniously into life. He does not suffer from a lack of sex, but is looking for a partner who will accept him as he is. In a society where sex is exaggerated, such stories remind us that happiness and intimacy are possible in different forms. The main thing is respect for other people's boundaries and an understanding of the diversity of human experiences.

When we once again joke in the spirit:

"How does it feel not to fuck and not to suck?" And he, bitch, is wider. And more interesting.