Freud believed that all gays are narcissists. We tell you why he was wrong (from the point of view of science)

For a long time, psychoanalysis was dominated by the idea that same-sex love is only a manifestation of self-love. Psychologist Diana Fomenko on his blog on YouTube "Psychology of Freedom" explains why modern scientific evidence refutes Sigmund Freud's theory and how social pressure turns narcissism into a defense mechanism.

Why did Freud consider gay people to be narcissists?

The concept of "narcissistic object selection," put forward by Freud in the early 20th century, was based on a simple statement: the choice of a partner who is similar to oneself, i.e., of the same sex and similar in appearance, is a hidden form of love for one's own person. However, according to Fomenko, this idea was not supported by experimental data, since it was based on observations of a single patient. Yet, despite the shaky evidence, Freud's theory remained authoritative for nearly a century.

Reference Doberman.media. In his famous "Letter to an American Mother" (1935), Freud bluntly stated that homosexuality "is not a vice, it is not a degradation, it cannot be classified as a disease." He also recognized that psychoanalysis is not always able to change a person's sexual orientation.

What does modern science say?

21st-century research paints a much more complex picture:

• Lack of direct communication: A large-scale study in 2021, which involved 4000 people (heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual), found no statistically significant differences in the level of narcissism between these groups. This also applies to the "dark triad" (narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism) - the levels of these traits in gays and heterosexuals turned out to be identical.
• The paradox of self-esteem: A 2012 Cambridge study revealed an important nuance: homosexual men often have lower level of self-esteem, but at the same time a higher level of narcissistic defenses.

Narcissism as a "shield" from society

According to the psychologist, "gay narcissism" is not an innate trait, but the result of living in conditions of constant rejection. When a person regularly faces criticism, devaluation, and intolerance from society, they build a "narcissistic shield" to protect their vulnerability.

The internal dynamics of such a person is often formed in childhood, in a family where "otherness" was not accepted and conformity to the ideal was demanded. In order to survive, the child creates an internal "grandiose manager":

"I will become so perfect and inaccessible that I myself will be able to reject this world before it rejects me."

Why are homosexual couples often looked for "narcissists"?

Diana Fomenko identifies two main reasons why gay men can enter into relationships with narcissistic partners:

1. Desire for significance: The attention of the "divinely beautiful" man on the cover gives the illusion of his own worth ("If he chose me, then I am worth something").
2. Familiar scenario: If in childhood love was associated with coldness and distance, then the narcissistic partner seems "familiar", creating a painful feeling of "coming home".

How to recognize a gay narcissist? (3 features)

The psychologist identifies key markers that help distinguish healthy attachment from narcissistic love:

• Perfection as a façade: The partner looks perfect and demands the same from you. Instead of sympathy for your fatigue, he gives out cold phrases in the spirit of "be positive", which do not warm you up.
• Passive aggression under the guise of caring: He gives just enough warmth to keep you from leaving, but he constantly makes caustic comments about your appearance or habits (e.g., "extra carbs"), worrying only about how you will fit into his "perfect picture."
• Partner as an accessory: He needs you not as a person, but as a spectacular addition. If you are "out of shape" (tired, rumpled, without styling), he may prefer to go to the event alone, as you spoil his image.

Summary: Homosexuality is an innately stable state, while narcissism is an acquired defense against trauma. The psychologist emphasizes: in such relationships, it is important first of all to "save yourself" and learn to look at yourself with a loving, not appreciative look.

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Video: Diana Fomenko | Psychology of freedom