"I'm an ENTJ, looking for an INFP": How a personality type became a new orientation

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System MBTI (Myers–Briggs Type Indicator) – a trendy psychological trend among Gen Zers and millennials, especially in the queer community. The system MBTI (Myers–Briggs Type Indicator) divides everyone into 16 Personality Types, each of which is described by four letters. Many people actually perceive MBTI It’s like a modern horoscope—but with a touch of “science.” It makes you feel like you’re not just another guy on the app, but a complex psychological construct made up of four letters and existential traumas.

Each letter is a pair of opposites:

E / I — extrovert (E) or an introvert (I)
(E — любит общение, внимание, тусовки; I — предпочитает тишину и одиночество)

S / N — sensory (S) or Intuit (N)
(S — реалист, ориентируется на факты и детали; N — фантазёр, живёт идеями)

T / F — cognitive (T) or sensual (F)
(T — логик, принимает решения разумом; F — эмпат, живёт эмоциями)

J / P — the judge (J) or perceiving (P)
(J — любит порядок, планы и контроль; P — гибкий, импульсивный, «как пойдёт»)

ENFP — “The Inspirer.” Creative, emotional, can’t stand routine, falls in love every three days.

ENTJ — “Commander.” Rational, determined, plans everything and organizes everyone.

INFP — “A dreamer.” Sensitive, quiet, with a rich inner world. Often keeps a diary and suffers in a poetic way.

INFJ — “Advisor.” Deep, intuitive, wants to understand everyone and save the world.

ENTP — “debater.” Loves debates, ideas, and provocations, but loses interest quickly.

ISFJ — “Protector.” Caring, dependable, but easily offended.

ISTJ — “Administrator.” Serious, likes order and takes responsibility.

ENFJ — “Leader.” Charismatic, attentive, willing to listen to everyone except himself.

INTJ — “Strategist.” A cool head, always planning, with emotions tucked away somewhere in the archives.

ESTP — “Adventurer.” Spontaneous, risk-taking, lives for the moment.

INTP — “Analyst.” Smart, but often gets lost in his own thoughts and forgets to leave the house.

In short, if you see “ENTJ looking for an INFP” in a profile, translate it as follows:
A serious dominant is looking for a gentle dreamer to torment each other until the end of time.

MBTI as a New Language of Love

I'm scrolling through the Russian-language subreddit and see a post that says, "I'm an ENTJ, looking for an INFP."
And I think to myself: here he is—the perfect man, with whom I’ll be smashing dishes in the kitchen while he’s on antidepressants.
Yes, I'm an ENFP. And yes, this all sounds all too familiar.

Over the past couple of years, the MBTI has become the new language of gay dating. Before, people used to list their height, weight, and “position.” Now, it’s four letters that seem to determine one’s fate:
"INFJ Seeking ENFP for Deep Conversations"
"ESTP—let's just meet up."

The MBTI has become a way to briefly describe yourself: whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, a logical thinker or an empath. But as with any label, there’s a pitfall: you start seeing not a person, but a set of letters.

And yet, the MBTI has really taken hold. Especially among young people. They love to figure themselves out—maybe because they often live in a world where they have to search for who they are and why. Or maybe because they want to understand in advance why they’ll fall for the wrong person again.

Stereotypes and Coincidences

Everyone already has their own associations.
An ENTP is the kind of guy who argues with you on the first date, but does it with such charm that you're willing to put up with it.
ISFJ — a caring “passive type” who’ll bring you coffee in bed, but will be upset if you forget their birthday.
An ENTJ is a strategist who has your relationship all planned out for the next five years, including a trip to Barcelona and a cottage you’ll share.

And as an ENFP, I'm supposed to be an inspired romantic who falls in love every three days. But more often than not, I'm just eating pizza at night and arguing with the TV.

And that’s the point—the MBTI turns into a new set of stereotypes. We expect a logical INTJ to be cold, and an emotional ENFJ to be the perfect person to talk to until dawn. But the world is much more interesting than that.
A tough, muscular guy might actually be a sensitive INFP who cries at movies.
And the sophisticated twink is a domineering ENTJ who has already mapped out your life.

Compatibility or Self-Deception

The internet is full of lists of “perfect matches”: INFP and ENFJ, ISTJ and ESTP, and so on. But the truth is, love doesn’t work that way.
The MBTI can give us insight into how we think, but it won't tell us whether there will be a spark between us.

This is especially noticeable in gay culture. We’re not just looking for a guy—we’re looking for someone who gets it. And MBTI sometimes helps—but it’s not a cure-all.
Two introverts can understand each other perfectly, but still feel lost in the silence.
A couple made up of an extrovert and an introvert will either be a perfect match or go crazy trying to keep up with the pace.

The MBTI is a useful tool—as long as you don't treat it as gospel.
It helps you get to know yourself. But love isn't about finding the "perfect" partner.
It's that moment when you just feel good with someone.

So if you see a profile that says “ENFJ looking for a soulmate,” don’t rush to check compatibility using a chart. Just message them.
Maybe this is the one for you. Even if, according to the MBTI, you're a total mismatch.