Opinion. Why do we feel not only hatred, but also gratitude to our exes?

After a breakup, almost everyone sooner or later begins to collect their own version of what happened.

The version of himself in which he loved more deeply. Tried harder. Was more patient. Understood more deeply.

That's normal. It's the mind's way of trying to protect us from the realization that a relationship—one in which we invested our feelings, time, and a part of ourselves—has come to an end anyway.

Life is easier for us when there's just one person to blame.

But love rarely works that way.

The older I get, the less I believe in stories where one person is completely right and the other is completely wrong. Even if, after a breakup, it’s very tempting to see things exactly that way.

Some people are afraid of being abandoned and start to smother their partner with control. Others are afraid of losing their freedom and gradually pull away emotionally. One demands more attention, while the other grows weary of the constant tension. And at some point, both feel misunderstood.

But the problem is that, within a relationship, each person sees their own pain first and foremost.

I remember how, in one of my relationships, I was convinced that I was the one suffering more. It wasn't until later that I realized the person next to me might have felt just as lonely with me as I did with him.

When emotions have cooled down. And suddenly you remember not just the bad things. But the late-night conversations, the little habits, the way that person smelled, and their efforts to keep you close in those moments when you didn’t even notice.

When the desire to "win" in your own version of the breakup fades.

And that's when you start noticing unpleasant things about yourself. Like how you didn't listen carefully enough at times. How you jumped to conclusions about someone else. How you demanded things you weren't able to give in return.

It's a painful feeling. But I suppose that's exactly what makes us more mature.

Because true maturity isn't about always finding someone to blame.

And in the ability to recognize that sometimes relationships end not because one person is at fault.

It's because, at some point, two people can no longer get along.

And that's probably the hardest part about breakups.

To realize that love alone doesn't always save us.

Sometimes people truly love each other. But they still hurt each other. They still grow tired of each other. They still lose touch.

And perhaps that is precisely why, after some time has passed, what remains from certain relationships is not hatred, but a strange mixture of sadness, gratitude, and regret.

Because, no matter how it all turns out, there was a time when the two of you actually tried to make each other happy.