“No one ever really explained to us what it’s like to be a man”

I remember that as a kid, I dreamed of becoming an astronaut. Or a hero. Boys are like that—they’re drawn to masculinity. You have to admit, it’s a great job! Whether it’s bravely shouting “Let’s go!” from inside a spacesuit while tons of propellant explode beneath you, overcoming Earth’s gravity, or chopping off the heads of mythical lizards with all your might—these are very manly pursuits.

But we grew up and became who we are today.

Let's be honest. Raise your hand if you ever dreamed of becoming a bank teller? A logistics manager? A management accountant? A programmer?

What's so manly about paying the electric bill, vacuuming, or taking out a loan to buy a car? A washing machine.

There you are, standing in the middle of a trendy supermarket, listlessly filling your cart with diapers, sausage, and whatever else is on the list (let’s take a look), and you find yourself wondering, “Is this really what I was supposed to end up doing?”

Banners of emancipation and feminism are everywhere. We, having been raised by women, view this with great respect. It’s only right to support the fairer sex and forgive them for their little weaknesses and whims, isn’t it?

But I can't shake the feeling that “something isn't right.”

I was asked a question recently. What does it mean to be a real man in today’s world? No, not even that. What does it mean to be a Real Man? A knight! And where is there a place for a Real Man to perform a heroic deed?

I admit, I couldn't come up with anything smarter than a sophistical answer. Something along the lines of, "For a modern man, just being a man is already a feat..." Not much of a solution!

The very logic of societal development implies a decrease in acceptable testosterone levels. When people began to gather in large settlements, alpha males—capable of taking down mammoths and beating up their fellow tribesmen with equal ease—became somewhat unpopular. Because they’re dangerous. These are people incapable of obeying authority. They’re too good. Too active. Too aggressive. What is an alpha to do in a developed society? At best, become a police officer or a soldier. At worst—a criminal.

And yes, women are attracted to them. Instincts are still a thing. “Women love scoundrels—only they produce healthy offspring.”

But people don't usually start families with them. That means they don't reproduce. And that means their numbers are dwindling.

Here we are, homebodies, as cozy as a pair of well-worn slippers. Predictable, easy to understand, and loving toward children and cats.

If you can expect us to sing serenades under your window and engage in lighthearted, socially acceptable, and tasteful shenanigans, it’s only during the “candy-and-flowers” phase. At first, anyway. Well, we’ve got to win you over somehow.

And then—paycheck, advance, nailing down a shelf… How do you prove yourself? How do you show your significant other—and yourself—that you’re a man, not a wimp?

There are practically no landmarks.

Much has already been written about the legacy of World War II, which seems to have ended many years ago, yet the genetic memory remains. A man is a rare treasure; he must be cherished and protected—even if he’s crooked or lame. That’s where the great joke about “what if there’s a war, and I’m tired” comes from.

In the recent past, the only ideals of masculinity on offer were figures like the soldier or the liberator. Or the builder of communism—the hero of socialist labor, so to speak. Well, or—as an alternative to the system—the dissident, the politically active intellectual, whose crowning achievement was leave the country.

In earlier times—a nobleman with a strict code of honor, concerned about the “fate of the country” (mostly in a passive way), or a sturdy man, physically strong and hardworking.

All in all, ideals are a tricky thing. And when there are no guidelines, things start to go awry.

In an effort to prove to ourselves and others that we carry the Y chromosome, we do some very strange things.

For example, we buy big red cars, expensive phones, stylish suits, and other phallic symbols.

We're a hit with women. With lots of women. After all, Lovelas, Don Juan, and Arthur Pirozhkov are quite the macho men, aren't they?

We drink a lot. A friend of mine, a pleasant, intellectual guy, was once sharing his successes in expressing his masculinity. “I used to be unable to drink a bottle of cognac in one evening. But now I can.”

We act deliberately rough. We swear, smoke, spit with gusto, crack dirty jokes, and rarely shave.

We push ourselves to the limit when we play sports. We strain every muscle under the barbell or passionately push our bodies to the limit on the soccer field.

And, of course, Every night we go to war. In World of Tanks. Young and old alike.

By the way, a warrior is the most striking embodiment of masculinity.

A hunter is a good role, too. I have a friend who’s into it. And recently, for the first time in his life, he killed something. Fortunately, it was a hare. Before that, he’d been drinking vodka on the hood of his UAZ for two years. It’s a tough business!

The culture of chivalry required not only the ability to ride a horse in a tin can and play chess, but also a lady of the heart, whose name one was supposed to glorify through heroic deeds. Hence the image of the romantic hero. It’s a nice image, a charming one. But it’s just not very realistic. Aside from poems, songs, and flowers, you still need to eat. So instead of suffering, you need to earn a living.

And a man of the plow, a plowman—by and large, that’s not quite right. Just because you bring home the bacon doesn't mean people treat you like a man. Often, you're needed in much the same way as a good cow that produces a high milk yield.

Amid all this chaos and confusion, two vivid images have emerged so far.

First, a wealthy person, and therefore independent. That explains the love for expensive toys and excessive consumption.

Second, a man in good health, who takes great care to maintain that very health. From the gym and healthy eating to tanning beds and manicures. “You can be a practical person…”

Both of these images are superficial, like the brightly colored armor of a medieval knight with feathers on his shining helmet.

Inside, there are boys who were never really taught what it means to be a man. Because their fathers didn’t know how. And their mothers, caregivers, and teachers, by virtue of their gender, couldn’t.

But we're trying.

We're learning.

There are two important points.

Professionalism and a niche.

Both of these things are actually within our control.

A true master of their craft is always strong, independent, and successful—both materially and mentally. True professionals are always in demand. Whether you’re making dentures or laying tile in bathrooms—it doesn’t matter. All that's left is to keep improving at what I do.

One’s own territory is one’s property—separate and inviolable. One’s own apartment, one’s own land, one’s own house, one’s own business, one’s own department at work—after all. The position of “Master” is very important to a man.

And then there’s kindness. Let’s not forget about it. That’s exactly how true inner strength manifests itself—through compassion, forgiveness, care, protection, and warmth.

So, guys, be men!