A difficult past is a special currency!

✦ This article is published as written by the author. The opinions, assessments, and conclusions expressed in the text are those of the author and may not reflect the position of the Doberman.media editorial board. The editorial board is not responsible for the author’s interpretations, statements, or conclusions.

Gays have a special currency – a difficult past. If you haven't had at least one powerful blow of fate, it's like you're empty. There is no depth. There is no history. Just a cute guy without an interesting plot.

Last week, I met a guy to expand my social circle. Within 30 minutes, he was already launching into a monologue: an abusive father, then severe depression at age 19, and burnout on OnlyFans. («снимался, чтобы платить за терапию»), and how he now "heals his inner child." His eyes are shining, his voice is trembling in the right places. This is no longer a conversation - this is a speech.

Parents? Well, there were, of course, up, but coming out was accepted calmly. Depression? It was sad a couple of times, but not to the hospital. Burnout? I'm tired, like everyone else, but not to the edge. There was no trace of his father. The biggest upsets are ordinary breakups and a couple of unsuccessful jobs. But there is not even anything to tell, I am friends with my exes, and unsuccessful work is just an experience.

By the way, I have my own traumas, too. It’s just that if I start listing them, it’ll immediately turn into a “who’s suffered the most” contest. And I don’t play in contests like that.

And here’s the thing: right now, everyone in the community is competing to see who has the hardest story. Reddit is flooded with stories about “father wounds,” “healing,” and “dark periods.” The more harrowing the story, the more “authentic” you are, and the more interesting you are. And if your life has been relatively uneventful, you somehow feel like you’re not quite complete.

Many people have real traumas. And they matter. But when pain becomes a fashion accessory, a way to fill the silence in a conversation, that’s going too far. More precisely, one person turns into a pair of ears just there to listen to the other’s endless whining.

Maybe it's time to make a new trend – to be a person who doesn't have to have a tragedy to be considered worthy of attention.

Just a regular guy with an ordinary life who can talk about anything—without bringing up childhood grievances. We all have our own scars, and we’ve all dealt with them in our own way; the same situation feels different to different people.