A few days ago, Telegram groups were actively discussing one study. Of course, we couldn’t pass this up either. In short: researchers studied how creating a so-called “sex menu” affects the quality of a couple’s relationship. The sample consisted of residents of the U.S. and Canada—which, of course, isn’t the whole world, but it works well as an indicator. Spoiler: It works really well.

No magic, just pure mechanics—but the results are impressive. About half of the couples who tried this approach began having sex more often. About three-quarters noted that there were fewer misunderstandings. And nearly 80% discovered shared desires they hadn't even suspected existed before — even though it seems as if we've known each other for a long time.

Why does this even work? It goes without saying: talking about sex with your partner is difficult, especially when there’s no specific reason or set format. We’ve already covered this topic extensively here—you can find all our articles by searching on Doberman.media; we have everything, right down to step-by-step guides. I won’t repeat myself.

On a less obvious note—and this is what's really interesting. When the topic is sensitive, most people find it physically easier to write down their wishes than to say them out loud. This isn’t cowardice or immaturity—it’s simply how our brains process sensitive topics. And the fact that both of you fill out the questionnaire at the same time eliminates any asymmetry: neither of you ends up in the position of being the one who “asked for something strange.” You’re both in an equally awkward situation—and that’s exactly why it becomes easier.

A little about us. In gay and bisexual relationships, this tool works perhaps even more intensely—for one simple reason. When both partners are men, there is no familiar heterosexual script between you that society has drilled into you since childhood. There’s no “obvious” default role division—which means you have to negotiate everything. This is both a source of freedom and a source of awkwardness: a vast landscape of possibilities, and neither of you wants to be the first to map it out. The “sex menu” solves exactly this problem—it provides structure where there isn’t any, without the need to say anything out loud in real time.

Doberman.media, the most cutting-edge queer publication I created a survey in Russian—a translation of that same “yes/no/maybe” format, adapted for our audience. No default assumptions about heterosexuality, no “husband and wife”—just you and your partner.

Fill it out together (each of you separately, and then download your questionnaire to your phone or print it out). We hope you’ll discover something new—about your partner or about yourself.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

❗️Start filling out the questionnaire in any browser and come back to it whenever it's convenient for you—all your answers are saved locally on your device. If you open it within Telegram or Threads (preview mode), the data may not be saved, so it's best to open the profile in a browser.