5 Reasons to Get Married That Will Eventually Lead to Divorce

When we’re looking for love, we want to find someone with whom it’s easy to communicate, have fun, feel secure, and enjoy stability. But even in the best relationships, problems can arise. Marriage is not only a source of happiness but also a challenge that requires patience and a willingness to adapt.

Some people turn to psychologists when they are disappointed in their marriages. When asked why they decided to get married, their answers can be surprising. It may be difficult for them to explain how they feel—irritation, confusion, or a sense of being lost—but eventually they begin to understand where their problems stem from.

So That There Will Be Children

This is the most common answer, and it seems to be the most natural and obvious one. From an evolutionary perspective, the institution of the family originated as a means of ensuring the continuation of the species. The desire to become parents is strong in both sexes, especially among women, whose reproductive years are limited in time.

For a child, having both parents—especially when they have a harmonious relationship—is a positive factor for growth and development. For parents, the ability to share the responsibility of caring for their child becomes a valuable resource.

However, when children become the only thing binding a man and a woman together, their relationship becomes hollow. Disagreements arise over parenting and the allocation of time and energy. Third parties enter their relationship, which can lead to one partner feeling used or sacrificed. This hinders the children’s development and both parents’ search for meaning in life. When a partner becomes merely a means for procreation, their individuality remains unfulfilled, creating a psychological void.

Chekhov said: “If you’re afraid of being alone, don’t get married,” and I’ll take the liberty of adding: “Only for the sake of the children”.

So that someone would take care of me

This reason is more commonly cited by women who want to feel protected from life’s hardships by their husbands, “as if behind a stone wall.” This applies to men as well. However, this ideal scenario may hide another challenge—the inability to be independent and take care of oneself.

This condition, known as infantilism in psychology, refers to the inability to meet one’s own needs and the tendency to shift responsibility for one’s own comfort onto another person.

To Keep Parents Happy

For parents of adult children, seeing their offspring “settle down” in marriage brings relief and a release from parental responsibilities. In their eyes, married life seems safer than loneliness, which can lead to dangerous pursuits or undesirable company. Young people, whether consciously or not, strive to bring joy to their parents by demonstrating that they share their values and ideas about happiness. To this end, they often try to find a suitable partner to “carry on the family line.”

However, sometimes parents place expectations and demands on their children without taking their own desires and opinions into account. At the beginning of a marriage, everything seems perfect because it brings status and prestige, but over time, a person may begin to lose themselves by playing a role that has been imposed on them.

In the past, when divorce was considered scandalous, many people stayed in such relationships and lived in a state of depression for decades. Today, more and more people are coming to the conclusion that giving up one’s individuality is an unreasonable price to pay for being in a marriage.

To solve problems with my apartment and money

In our country, where market prices for real estate and average salaries have diverged to such an extent that few people are able to solve their housing problems on their own, many young people face a dilemma: whether to sacrifice their independence and self-expression for the sake of stability and financial well-being.

However, such a step, while seeming natural, may turn out to be psychologically naive. As a rule, these people soon realize that “money can’t buy happiness,” because chronically suppressing their feelings and desires leads to an inner “freeze,” in which even material possessions cease to bring joy.

Men often fall victim to this psychological dynamic, especially when they are unable to discern the true feelings of the woman they are supporting. When a woman finally decides to lay her cards on the table, they find themselves in a state of shock and trauma, realizing their emotional illiteracy and insensitivity.

So I Won't Be Alone

This triggers another instance of the same immature behavior, and so on—in a vicious cycle. In such relationships, the partners do not grow, and what keeps them together is not mutual enrichment and support, but the fear of loneliness, the fear of facing themselves—a fear that is usually masked by the noble-sounding phrase: “But I love him (her) so much.”

But if none of the reasons for getting married listed above lead to happiness, then which ones do?

The decision to get married while swept up in the frenzy of romantic infatuation often does not lead to a long-term, fulfilling relationship.

Common sense, planning, logic, and rationality are important components of a successful marriage. However, even that is not enough.

Couples therapy often leads to an improvement in relationships because partners begin to realize that their motivations for getting married are different. The willingness to understand, respect, and acknowledge the other person’s motives—rather than simply using them to satisfy one’s own desires—is the foundation of a successful relationship.

The existence of a goal that transcends the individual—one that goes beyond personal self-affirmation—is essential to the family’s vitality. When both partners strive toward a common goal and work as a team to achieve it, this lays the foundation for a strong, long-lasting relationship.