Dear readers, close the tabs - we have something more interesting. The world's two main gay apps have rolled out their annual reports. It's time for the annual national shame in the form of statistics from two apps where people pretend to be looking for "friends" and "coffee." I took the latest numbers from Grindr and Scruff, mixed them together in a shaker full of desperation and semen, and came up with the definitive world map for 2025. I can't calculate GDP, but I do know where there are the most hairy bellies.
Top 10 Countries Where Sex Still Exists
- USA God exists, and he's a 50-year-old bear from Seattle with a mortgage and an OnlyFans subscription. The country won in everything: bears, daddies, mannered tops, Scruff's revenue.
- Germany – открывать отношения и закрывать рот. 60 % универсалов: сегодня он тебя, завтра ты его, послезавтра вы вместе в Lab.oratory и не помните, кто из вас кто.
- Ireland It turns out that leprechauns now look like red-haired beer kegs with beards down to their nipples. They rank second in the world for bears, behind the U.S. Other than that, they haven't distinguished themselves in any way.
- Greece The ancient Hellenes died out, their place was taken by hairy uncles who take pictures of dicks against the background of ancient ruins. Athens is the world leader in dick pics without a greeting.
- Brazil Manaus has even surpassed Thailand in the speed at which people send nude photos. Over there, they send you a dick pic before you’ve even clicked “open chat.”
- United Kingdom Fancy profiles with the line “Can host, looking for now” and a photo of the guy in an M&S suit. Five minutes later, they’re already asking which area you live in and if you have poppers.
- 7–10. Canada, Australia, Colombia, Italy – Everything is the same, only with different accents and the level of payment for dinner.
The National Crises of 2025
Asset shortage (countries where top executives are a dying breed): Vietnam, Thailand, Poland, Mexico (remember) and – surprise – France. Yes, even in the country of baguettes and kisses, there are fewer top threes than settlers from the southern colonies.
Liability shortfall: The U.S., Ireland, and the U.K. And if you look at the lack of official records in Mexico, it somehow becomes clear who fled and where.
Speed Champions
They reply faster than you have time to regret what you wrote: India (Bangalore), Chile, Italy, Colombia, Brazil. The average time from "hi" to a nude photo is 11 seconds.
Champions of tact and education: Japan, Korea, Taiwan – will read, react 👀 and disappear like ninjas. Forever.
Cities That Aren't Afraid to Send in Their "Nude" Photos
- Athens
- Milan
- Medellín
- Bangalore
- Manaus
Where you definitely should NOT travel for sex in 2025: any country where you still need a VPN to access the app.
Final Verdict
Do you want to be fucked, then discuss it over wine and add it to an open-relationship – Continental Europe
If you want to be fucked by a hairy uncle with a mortgage – United States/Ireland/Greece.
If you want to be fucked by a sporty German without preferences – Germany.
If you want to be fucked in 15 minutes and forgotten - any Latin America and Southeast Asia.
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