"Graysexuals" — Have Zoomers Invented a New Sexual Orientation? Spoiler: Not exactly

In recent years, issues of sexual identity have been the subject of lively public debate, and Generation Z (those born roughly from the late 1990s to the 2010s) plays a key role in this discussion. Among the new terms appearing in their vocabulary, “grayssexuality” has attracted particular attention. Some consider it just another passing fad among young people seeking to stand out, while others find in this term an accurate description of their inner world. So what exactly is graysexuality? Is it a concept invented by zoomers, or is it something more? Let’s take a closer look.

What is graysexuality?

Graysexual (from English graysexual or grey-asexual) — is an identity within the asexual spectrum. This means that a person is in "gray zone" sexual attraction between allosexuality (regular attraction) and asexuality (its absence).

Such people may feel desire very rarely, only in certain situations or with specific people. For some, this once every few years, while for others, it's every few months not the slightest interest, and then a sudden surge of interest.

Important: Graysexual is not a "new invention for the sake of hype", but a term that really appeared in the English-speaking LGBTQ+ community in the early 2010s to make it easier for people to describe their experience. The term itself originated in communities studying asexuality back in the early 2000s, when online forums such as AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) began discussing the spectrum of sexual identities. Thus, contrary to popular belief, greysexuality is not an invention of zoomers. However, it was this generation that actively popularized the term, making it part of public discourse.

Why do zoomers talk about grasexuality?

On Reddit and TikTok, users are sharing their stories about how they realized their feelings didn't fit into the usual mold.

For example, one user admitted that he had felt genuine sexual attraction only once in his entire life. Another recalled how, in college, he didn’t understand why his peers talked so often about desire, while he himself hardly ever felt it. Stories like these resonate in communities where people find support and begin to understand themselves better.

Many people believe that greysexual people do not seek romantic relationships or are simply suppressing their sexual orientation. In the broader culture, it can be difficult to confidently acknowledge a sexuality that interprets desire differently.
Jane Chizselska, psychotherapist.

Generation Z grew up in an era of information transparency, when access to knowledge about sexuality and identity became more widespread than ever before. Social media platforms such as TikTok, Tumblr, and X have become spaces where young people exchange ideas, discuss personal experiences, and coin new terms to describe their experiences. “Zoomers,” as noted in a study by the journal Manuscript, prioritize user-generated content (UGC) and place trust in personal stories, making such platforms the ideal environment for spreading ideas such as graysexuality.

In addition, buzzers are prone to wear and tear (fluidity) в вопросах идентичности. Согласно исследованию Vice, 48% зумеров не считают себя строго гетеросексуальными, а 41% избегают чёткого гендерного самоопределения. Эта открытость к разнообразию позволяет им принимать и исследовать такие понятия, как грейсексуальность, без страха быть осуждёнными. Для многих это не просто мода, а способ лучше понять себя и найти единомышленников.

People who identify as graysexual often say that this realization has brought them relief, because they have finally found the words to describe their feelings.

The rise in awareness of graysexuality is linked to broader changes in society. Zoomers, as noted by Financial Times, demonstrate an ideological divide between the sexes: girls tend to hold liberal views, while boys lean toward conservatism. This creates a unique environment where discussions of sexual identity become both a challenge and an opportunity for dialogue. Graysexuality, like other non-traditional identities, allows Zoomers to move away from binary notions of sexuality and gender, which aligns with their desire for inclusivity and freedom of self-expression.

In addition, zoomers face economic and social challenges, such as instability in the labor market and the aftermath of the pandemic, which make them more inclined to reflect and seek meaning in their personal lives. Gray sexuality, with its emphasis on emotional connection and less reliance on sexual attraction, may be a response to these challenges, offering an alternative perspective on relationships.

How do graysexuals differ from demisexuals?

They are both part of "asexual spectrum", but the mechanics are different.

Gray sexuality = sexual attraction occurs, but very rarely or only to a small degree.

— may feel attraction, but it is rare, faint, and unpredictable.
— it can occur without “special circumstances,” but simply less frequently or “not as intensely as in most people.”
— Example: “I might fall in love and want to have sex once every couple of years, but sometimes I just don’t feel like it at all.”

Demisexuality = sexual attraction only arises after an emotional connection has been established.

— attraction arises only if there is a strong emotional bond (friendship, love, deep trust).
— Without an emotional connection — even if Brad Pitt were standing on your doorstep in a towel, you wouldn't react at all.
— Example: “First we have to become close; only then can desire kick in.”

• Несмотря на популярность, грейсексуальность сталкивается с критикой. Некоторые считают, что такие термины усложняют коммуникацию, создавая слишком много ярлыков. Исследование Vice показало, что 47% зумеров согласны, что ярлыки могут создавать барьеры в общении, хотя 55% считают, что они помогают лучше понять других. Это двойственное отношение отражает сложность интеграции новых терминов в повседневную жизнь.
• In addition, greysexuality is sometimes perceived as something “too abstract” or even as a way to avoid commitment in relationships. However, proponents of the term emphasize that it is not about “laziness” or “reluctance,” but about honestly acknowledging one’s feelings and boundaries.
• Graysexuality isn’t an invention of Gen Zers; it’s a term they’ve brought to light through their openness and active presence in the digital space. For some, it’s a trend; for others, it’s a way to describe their unique experiences. Regardless of how one views it, graysexuality reflects Gen Z’s desire for freedom of self-expression and the search for new ways to understand themselves and others. This isn’t just hype; it’s part of a broader cultural shift in which the boundaries of sexuality and identity are becoming increasingly fluid.