"Men are wearing pink cardigans and don't want to serve in the military." A man's perspective on today's holiday

Stores are sending out pushy messages, and the girls at work are exchanging knowing glances and bustling about mysteriously. Which means there’s no escaping the congratulations again. The day of shaving cream and socks. A day of questionable contests and inappropriate bravado. A day when women start seeing us as protectors—though it’s unclear from whom.

No, I'm not complaining! On the contrary! I like that what started out as a military holiday is gradually evolving into something more universal.

On Soviet Army and Navy Day—also known as Red Army Day—there was no place for male pacifists. The entire narrative revolved around the military, battles, glorious victories, and the heavily armed Soviet army, which stood up to capitalist aggressors, thereby ensuring a peaceful sky above our heads. Anyone who hadn’t served in the military couldn’t really celebrate the holiday. And such “eccentrics” weren’t held in high regard on other days of the year either.

Only the army can turn a boy into a man. It is a rite of passage for men, spread out over two long years of mandatory conscription.

Thank God, it's getting better.

Well, if for no other reason than that February 23 is the most controversial date for a holiday. On that day in 1918, the Central Committee of the Russian Social Democratic Party (Bolsheviks) fully and unconditionally accepted the ultimatum issued by the German high command. And although Soviet propaganda, under the heavy hand of Joseph Vissarionovich, went to great lengths to rewrite history, it is now clear that, from the standpoint of military valor, this occasion raises doubts as to whether it is a cause for pride.

Anyway, it seems to me that the military has long since ceased to be synonymous with masculinity. The world has changed irrevocably since the collapse of the Soviet Union.

Men wear tight-fitting pants and pink cardigans; women don’t shave their armpits; maternity leave is available to anyone who wants it in some countries, Weinstein was disgraced and expelled from the “factory of dreams,” sex requires unambiguous consent from both parties, and so on, and so on.

And on top of that, no one really wants to serve in the military. It’s no longer considered an honor or a mark of prestige, and it doesn’t impress the girls.

Back in the day, if a girl didn't wait for her boyfriend to come home from the army, it was a tragedy. When I was a teenager, the band "Ruki Vverh" even had a sad song about it.

Right now, it seems to me that this scenario suggests the girl is smart. Why wait for him? He couldn’t get into a college with a military program, and he couldn’t work things out with the military registration and enlistment office either. In the girl’s opinion, his IQ is clearly below average and he has no prospects.

"What could he possibly learn in his army?" she wonders. "How to masterfully shirk his duties and kill time? Or, at worst, how to drink and swear?"

And that's not even mentioning hazing—a practice that, unfortunately, features in an increasing number of stories about military service.

Some might say: they’ll teach him to fight there, to be strong; he’ll be able to stand up for himself. But should a real man in this day and age be able to do that? After all, soldiers are, generally speaking, people who are trained to use violence. We’re told that they protect us. But they’ve come up with only one way to do so—by inflicting pain on other people or killing them—other homo sapiens just like ourselves.

So, once again, I propose that we rename the holiday.

Let's celebrate Real Men's Day. Let's set aside the militaristic mindset. Every man is good and valuable. Or is he not?

So who gets to celebrate Real Men's Day? After all, this is a bit trickier than Defender of the Fatherland Day. You can't just rely on whether someone "served" or "didn't serve."

Because masculinity is such a complicated issue these days!

Does a man have to be strong? Or can his partner be the strong one in the relationship? Should he be sensitive and empathetic? Or, on the contrary, callous and stubborn? Should he be persistent in his courtship? Or is that abuse, harassment, and objectification? Should he fight to defend his good name and the honor of his Dulcinea? Or is resolving issues through violence a thing of the Middle Ages? Should he be gentle and attentive? Or should he resolutely stand his ground?

It seems to me that in this world of men raised by women, we really need some kind of role models to look up to. Role models to look up to. And that’s definitely not Rambo, with his painted-on grim face and a machine gun in his hands.

If you were asked who a real man is, few people would picture a soldier. For me, for example, completely different images come to mind. A surgeon who performs a twelve-hour operation to save someone’s life. A firefighter who risks his own life battling a blaze. A successful businessman who founded a company that provides hundreds of jobs. A husband who, despite a difficult day at work, finds the strength to bring warmth and comfort to his home. A father who, after all, takes care of his children.

As I considered the various traits typically expected of a man (strength, courage, integrity, reliability), I concluded that the most important one for me is kindness.

I think that’s the key to everything else. A kind person will defend the wronged, help the unfortunate, and support those who are grieving. They will never betray or let anyone down. They will always stand up for the weak—not because they are stronger than the aggressor, but because they simply cannot do otherwise.

There is a great deal of strength in kindness. And a great deal of love.

Anyway, happy holiday to you, my fellow men! I hope you continue to be true men in this ever-changing world—kind and loving.

Then we will have enough strength for our work, for caring for our loved ones, for helping our comrades, and for defending our Fatherland (God forbid). Let us live in such a way that we won’t be ashamed to look our wives and children in the eye.